Ramasse-Miettes: All In The Wrist.

In a country that is so full of bread, of course there must be bread accessories.  But do you know what they are?  I’ll bet you’re picturing a breadbox, huh?  A breadbox would allow you to keep bread fresh and we all know that today’s fresh bread is tomorrow’s pigeon feed. 

When I first visited Europe, it was to Spain.  That marvelous country of warm weather, marinated olives, and lots of red wine.  There was also bread.  And a particular way to deal with it.  On my first day in Spain, I was given a slice of bread; it was placed on the tablecloth beside my dinner plate.  Being a southern gal, when I picked it up to eat some, I neatly placed it back down on the edge of my plate.  I don’t put food on the tablecloth.  I may have been raised near barns, but not in one.

The arm of my host immediately swung around and removed the bread from my plate and placed it back on the table.  This felt a bit strange.  Obviously my poor etiquette touched a nerve.  It must be a major faux pas to put bread on your plate in Spain.  And so this little dance continued throughout the course of the next two weeks.  No, really, I did finally learn that when you’re in Spain, you put the !@$#% bread on the !@$#% table and not the plate. 

Fast forward a few years to my first time in France.  It was our fifth anniversary and although we were but poor struggling law students, we decided to splurge.  Andy and I ate at the beautiful La Flotille restaurant on the grounds of Versailles.  What a fairytale.  We indulged in typical French cuisine.  We ate fois gras, steak frites, and tarte tatin.  We drank a bottle of nice, full-bodied red wine. 

And of course there was bread.  And of course, I had made a mental note years earlier on how to properly eat bread with my meal in Europe.  I knew exactly how to handle this situation. 

When I reached for the bread in the basket in front of me, I confidently placed it on the white tablecloth beside my plate and not on my plate.  I was very proud of myself.  A few moments later, the waiter walked by and in one very smooth motion, put the bread on my plate.  What?  Again someone else is touching my food.  And again, I’ve messed up table manners. 

But I wasn’t embarrassed until the main course was complete and the waiter took our dinner plates away.  On this crisp, clean, white tablecloth in this fancy restaurant sat thousands of little crumbs from the very crispy French bread.  Crumbs, crumbs everywhere.  I had made a mess and felt like a toddler. 

What was even more embarrassing was what came next.  Now we get to our French bread accessory.  The ramasse-miettes.  That’s right, the French have a special tool for removing breadcrumbs from tablecloths.  It’s like a small silver comb, about 4 or 5 inches long.  Some are little brushes and some are solid stainless with a bit of a curve for maximum breadcrumb removal.  They fit in the palm of the waiter’s hand when they’re not resting in his pocket. 

It gets better.  How would you remove crumbs from the table, knowing that the shortest distance between points A and B is in a straight line?  Simply place the comb somewhere in the middle of the table and comb towards the edge, right?  Repeating this until the breadcrumbs are gone?  No, no.  Not here.  It’s all in the wrist.  Professional waiters start in the middle of the table and then gracefully swirl the ramasse-miettes over the table in five, maybe six fluid motions of the wrist.  To the left, to the right, to the left again until everything is quickly gone, scooped off the edge into his other hand and we can all pretend that I am not an oaf. 

It’s quite a sight.  I suspect they are taught this in school, maybe after you fail the BAC or just in case you do, but it’s really fun to watch.  French people probably think this is a normal bread tool and that anyone can do this.  Actually, if you go to a kitchen store here, you can even buy one for your own dining room at home, in case you have guests such as myself who have poor table manners.  One will only set you back a few euros.  Or, you can go to Ebay.fr and buy an ornate antique one (Napoleon III era) that comes with a little plate to scoop your breadcrumbs into for around 25 euros.

 
Laguoile makes a nice-looking ramasse-miettes with a bone handle for around 15 euros.  The one I bought cost just under 4 euros, is green, and comes with a little clip so I can carry it around in my shirt pocket as though it were a pen.  I've never heard of a ramasse-miettes protector (perhaps that is the mark of a true French nerd). 

I plan to carry mine around with me in my purse instead of in my shirt pocket.  I still have to work on the wrist movement, but at least next time I can get rid of my crumbs before the waiter sees my mess. 

I also have a hunch that it could double as a shoehorn.